Who are we at twenty three!?

I am a 23 year old nobody.

I was born in India and I was raised by my grandparents who have shaped my personality. My mom passed away and my birth father who lives 20 mins away from me never came to see me. While I am fortunate they took care of me, it is a shortcut to having an identity crisis.

I was a planner and I saw life in numbers. I had to grow up so soon because of my family and at the same time I did not know how to be a grown iup. I felt out of my skin.

I felt coming to US would help me become who I want to be. I moved away from home when I was 21. I always thought I would cry on the plane ride but I did not.After a couple of months, I broke down over sittings under a tree and having lunch.

Coming away from home made me look into how deeply bruised I actually was. Being an independent student away from home made me realize how traumatized I was. When a layer of decision making is taken away from you, it challenges your ability to trust your choices.

I fail at relying on people. Trusting them, loving them and showing a natural human response. I come across cold and heartless. I have never said I love you to anyone and such instances make me doubt if I capable of love and family. I refrain from believing in love stories as I find them unrealistic but In the moment, imagine myself as the protagonist who supposedly has a love life.

This blog of mine is a series of stories. Stories of what my life is going to be. Please join me in this journey. This is a welcoming space and any advice, suggestion or even question is welcome.

Will we be okay if we don’t go places? Is it okay if I don’t end in peace?

Please come back for this!